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November 23rd, 2012

We’re glad you visited the blog

We’ve got articles for you to browse on:

 

We add articles regularly so feel free to visit again.

Most importantly, we hope these articles help you and would love to hear from you if you have questions that you’d like answered.

You’re welcome to leave a comment on the blog or contact us on Twitter, or if you prefer email and phone, please contact us directly.

Tributes

Bequests

How to organise a funeral

Grieving

Environmental funerals

The Last Post – features, updates and testimonials

 

 

 

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3 quick questions

November 21st, 2012

 

As you may know, we’re updating The Last Post so that we can help you when someone you know dies.

As only you know what you need, we’d love it if you’d answer three quick questions for us.

We’ve kept the survey really short and quick because we know how busy everyone is! But even these three questions will help us greatly to provide the best possible service for you.

Click here to take survey

 

If you’d like to provide detailed feedback, you’re more than welcome to email me at lisa.dekleyn@thelastpost.com.au.

 

If you’d rather spend time reading articles, this post provides an overview of our articles to make it easy for you to find what you need:

 

 

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How to write a tribute

October 3rd, 2012

 

How do we capture someone’s life in a tribute? Our lives are so rich with years of experiences, both at home and through our travels. We touch the lives of people who are close to us, and also people who we pass by. Small moments of great laughter can feel the most significant; daily habits leave deep impressions; and then there are profound moments of love, support and care.

When you love someone, you want to convey everything that they mean to you, and we’ve written this article to help you do this through a tribute.

 

Use your own words, language and style of speech

There are words that we traditionally use to commemorate people. We talk about cherishing them and their devotion. These are beautiful and emotive words and if they’re words that you use to describe your loved one, then you should use them.

However, if these words aren’t part of your day-to-day language, you don’t have to. The best way to share your memories, and bring your relationship with your loved one to life, is to use your own words, language and style of speech.

Big laughs, tears, surprises

When did you last have a big laugh, cry or surprise with your loved one? Can you share this moment? It’s possible that if the moment brought such a strong response in you both, it will highlight their character and also resonate with others.

What was your loved one most proud of and committed to?

We can be proud of moments in our lives like graduating from university, having children, buying a house, running a marathon, holding an exhibition and retiring. These proud moments can help you step through your loved one’s achievements.

In addition to this, there are also elements of our lives that we can be quietly committed to and working on every day. We can be committed listeners, contributors to the community, faithful to a religion or philosophy, passionate about music, have a strong work ethic, and be dedicated to family. These characteristics define us and our approach to life.


Quotes, song verses and poems

If there is a quote that your loved one felt strongly about or lived by, including it in your tribute can be an effective way of quickly conveying their convictions or approach to life. Also, favourite songs and poems may highlight their passions and sense of self. However, don’t feel compelled to use them if nothing stands out.

What if the relationship was troubled at times?

A difficulty arises if your relationship with your loved one was troubled. If this is the case, you could consider a few different approaches.

Firstly, our lives are long and varied and we have many different relationships. Although you may feel the need to mention your troubled relationship, there is likely to be room to also mention other people’s experiences with the deceased. This will help you create a broader picture, which doesn’t negate your feelings, but also represents others.

You can focus on the person’s life and achievements, rather than your relationship, to provide a descriptive tribute. Also, you may consider sharing the writing of the tribute with someone else who knew the deceased and who you trust to help you.

Tributes are public and generate a lot of emotions, it’s important to be honest with yourself and also clear about how other people will feel when they read the tribute.

How should I structure it?

You can write a tribute so it flows in chronological order, which is very easy for people to follow. The tribute can reflect different aspects of a person’s life, for example, family, friends, hobbies, work and holidays. Equally, it can be based on character traits. You can also be creative and write the tribute in the theme of their favourite movie, song or historical event.

You may choose the structure based on the character of your loved one. If they were conservative, you may choose a traditional approach. If they were creative, then representing their life in a creative way, like aligning it to the composition of a song, may be a way to add energy and excitement to the tribute.

Ask other people for their memories

Ask other people all of the questions that you’ve considered as part of this article. They could spark your own memories and highlight how people saw your loved one.


Quick tips to polish it up and make sure you haven’t missed anything

  • Check the spelling of names in your tribute to make sure that they’re all correct
  • Check any dates, particularly the birth date and date of the death, it’s easy to make a simple typo
  • Write a list of all of the people who should be mentioned in the tribute and make sure that they’re included
  • Write a list of the key events and characteristics that you think your loved one, and others would like to be mentioned
  • This may be a very emotional experience. Allow yourself time to write the memorial and even considering writing it, leaving it for a time, and coming back to it feeling fresh
  • Share the tribute with people you trust so that they can help you proofread it and talk about the tone, sentiments and events in the tribute

 

Most importantly, consider whether your tribute shares a vivid picture of your loved one, is true to your feelings for them and draws people into a celebration of their life.

 


Related articles on The Last Post

 

This post provides an overview of our articles to make it easy for you to find what you need:

 

 

Posted in All resources, People and cultures, Tributes | Add Your Comment »

How can employers help grieving staff?

September 25th, 2012

 

Employers have great potential to make a significant difference in a grieving employee’s life. They can provide functional support, such as leave and flexible working arrangements, and emotional support through acknowledging their employee’s grief.

This support not only provides profound benefits to the grieving employee, but also all employees in providing an example of how to approach grief.

Living with grief

We regularly return to the topic of grieving on The Last Post. The main messages that we try to convey are that grieving can be expressed in many ways, including crying, withdrawal, difficulty making decisions, anger, reduced energy levels, inability to concentrate and anxiety.

These forms of expression can change over time, may vary in different certain circumstances, and last for years. Most people never ‘get over’ their grief as society may expect, rather, people find ways to accommodate grief into their lives.

Grieving at work

Unfortunately, many aspects of our society don’t respond well to grief

We’re not taught about the grieving process, we often don’t know how to respond, and there are places where it may be considered ‘inappropriate’ to display the emotions associated with grief, such as the workplace.

Employers can help to address this by supporting employees when they are grieving and providing and example to all of their staff.

 

There are so many things that an employer can do

These activities can be functional, in terms of addressing work arrangements such as leave, work hours, location, appraisals and tasks. They can also be emotional such as acknowledging an employee’s grief, sending them flowers and encouraging them to be open about their experience.

 

The Compassionate Friends of Victoria found that:

“Often, it is not simply a certain period of leave that is most beneficial to a bereaved person, more tellingly is the fact that they feel genuinely cared for; that they are part of a bigger “family” who are really thinking about how they can best support the bereaved.”

Ways the workplace can support a bereaved employee

The Compassionate Friends of Victoria provided this list of ways in which a workplace can support an employee:

  • Arranging slow return to normal duties
  • Extended bereavement leave
  • Providing grief counselling support
  • Postponing performance appraisal
  • List of grief resources/support groups available
  • Reduced expectation of work performance and pace
  • Management and work colleagues visiting, providing financial and practical support to bereaved families
  • Financial and practical assistance with funeral arrangements
  • Allowing other staff the time off to attend the funeral
  • Flexible working hours
  • Encouragement of staff to spend time with the bereaved person and talk about the loss
  • Developed return-to-work schedule, gradually building up to full employment
  • Leave at the time of bereavement anniversary
  • Offer where practical the opportunity to work from home
  • Employer paying for medical supplies and expenses
  • Advance of pay when required.

 

These actions will not only support the employee who is grieving, but they will also demonstrate to all staff that grief is not a short-term experience, it is a long-term process and people who are grieving need acknowledgement, tolerance and genuine care.

Resources

This list was published in “Beyond the Death of a Loved One: How Employers Make a Difference”, by Fiona Heylan and Anne Wicking in Grief Matters, Summer 2009.

The Compassionate Friends of Victoria also has resources available on its website.

Related articles on The Last Post

 

This post provides an overview of our articles to make it easy for you to find what you need:

 

 

Posted in All resources, Grieving, People and cultures | Add Your Comment »

How to leave a bequest – continue giving, as you already do, everyday

September 18th, 2012

We give so naturally, as part of our daily lives, that it barely rates a mention. We help family, friends and colleagues by listening and giving advice, we loan books and tools, cook for each other and help each other out with our work and projects.

This giving doesn’t have to stop. You can keep giving and leave a legacy even after you have passed away by leaving a bequest in your will.

What is a bequest?

A bequest is a gift that you give to charity after you have died. The gift may be money or property and it is formally recognised and administered via your will.

Who leaves bequests?

You don’t have to be a specific ‘type’ of person to leave a bequest. It doesn’t matter how much you have to give, whether or not you’ve been associated with a charity in the past, or whether your family and community have a history of leaving bequests. Anyone can decide to leave a bequest at any stage of life.

 

There are many reasons for leaving a bequest:

  • You may want to support a hospital, school or charity that has been instrumental in your life whether providing health or social support.
  • There may be a cause that you care about and want to help advance, locally or internationally.
  • You may be concerned about what life will be like for your children in the future and support an organisation that helps improve the state of the world, whether environmentally, politically or socially.
  • You may be impressed by the work and integrity of an organisation and want to support it.
  • There may be a particular area of research that you’re interested and would like to contribute to.
  • Or you may just want to have a final say about your estate, your values and what is important to you, and have an ongoing influence on the things that you’ve cared about.

Determine what you would like to leave

Throughout your life, you may have saved and invested money and bought property and items that are valuable assets. You can leave these to people you care about to help them, and you can also leave a portion to charity.

 

You have options and can decide whether you want to leave:

  • Specific assets and amounts of money
  • A percentage of your entire estate
  • A percentage of the “residue” of your estate, which is a percentage of what is left over after your money and assets have been allocated to other expenses such as taxes and funeral costs and gifts that you may give to family, friends and your community

 

It may take time for you to decide how much you’d like to leave. There’s no rush. Talk about it with family, friends and people you trust. It’s important to be both comfortable and confident about who you are supporting and what you are leaving.

Choose who you would like to leave your bequest to

There are so many registered charities and non-government organisations that could benefit from a bequest, including national and international bodies.

Choosing a charity or organisation may be as simple as continuing to give to a charity you are already supporting or selecting the one that has had the greatest impact in your life.

You may have a particular health, social, political or environmental issue that you value and want to promote and support. Also, there may be a particular country or recent crisis that you would like to direct your money to.

 

There are websites that list charities, including those listed below

(For many of these websites, the charities need to pay to be listed, so they may not include all charities.)

You may call charities that you’re interested in and talk to them about their work and your bequest. Talking to the charities themselves may help you make your decision.

Write your bequest into your will

If you don’t have a will, you’ll need to create one and if you have one, you can update it to include your bequest.

The main considerations for your will are:

  • Details: You will need the charity’s legally registered name and address and to know what you are leaving the charity
  • Use of your bequest: You can define what your money and property are used for, however, it is better for the charities if you don’t do this. This will ensure that the charities can use the money as effectively as possible to support their programs and goals
  • Wording: Charities often provide suggested wording for your will on their websites so it is beneficial to call them or check their websites before creating or updating your will


A few of charities that have included bequest information on their websites are:

Consider letting the charity know

It can be beneficial to call the charity and let them know that you will be including them in your will. This helps the charity plan and also offers them the chance to thank you for your support.

 


Related articles on The Last Post

Visit the “How to organise a funeral” series for related articles.

 

This post provides an overview of our articles to make it easy for you to find what you need:

 

 

 

Posted in All resources, Bequests | Add Your Comment »

Images of Australian flowers to inspire an arrangement

September 10th, 2012

Australian flowers create unique, colourful and impressive arrangements.

They provide exciting shapes and swirls, bright flushes of colour and textures that range from waxy leaves, delicate petals to the furry kangaroo paw flower.

Our native flowers are also inspiring – they’ve flourished even though Australia offers a difficult environment for them to grow in.

Here are a few photos to inspire you when you’re considering an arrangement.

 

Grevillea

 

Eucalyptus flowers

 

 

Banksia

Waratah

 

Viola

Golden Wattle

Eucalyptus leaves

Kangaroo paw

 

Related articles on The Last Post

 

This post provides an overview of our articles to make it easy for you to find what you need:

 

 

 

Posted in All resources, Environmental funerals, Flowers | Add Your Comment »

Signs of trauma in children

September 3rd, 2012

 

Lessons from an article on the Black Saturday fires in Victoria

“After trauma, children can experience a range of physical and emotional reactions, including sleep problems and a lack of concentration.” Ms Vicki Trethowan, Psychologist (The Age, Monday September 3 2012, p. 13)

This quote appeared in today’s Age newspaper in relation to the Black Saturday bushfires in Victoria 2009. The article shared important insights into reading the signs of trauma in children. The insights are summarised in this post.

 

Signs of trauma in children

Signs of trauma may vary for all children, and also between children of different ages. The signs described by Ms Vicki Trethowan were:

 

Young children

  • Quiet or withdrawn
  • Tantrums
  • Clingy behaviour
  • Regressive behaviour including wetting their beds and sucking their thumbs

 

Older children

  • Difficulty concentrating
  • Constant thoughts of the traumatic incident
  • Loss of appetite

 

Teenagers

  • Risky behaviour
  • Withdrawal from family life
  • Substance abuse

 

Other experiences mentioned in the article included nightmares, panic attacks and lack of sleep.

Helping children through trauma

Psychologists and the community talked about the ways they helped children through trauma, through both their personal and professional experience.

They said that the keys to beginning the recovery process for children are for them to connect with people they know, return to a routine and have safe and supportive environments.

Ms Trethowan said that it’s important to let children take the lead, listen to them and acknowledge them.

As we have discussed on this site, feelings of trauma and grief can be experienced for some time and children will need ongoing support.

Resources

The articles in today’s Age can be found here:

Related articles on The Last Post

We’ve written articles that may help you understand grief in our series on “Grieving“.

 

This post provides an overview of our articles to make it easy for you to find what you need:

 

 

Posted in All resources, Grieving | Add Your Comment »

5 websites to help you understand and experience grief

August 17th, 2012

 

We all need support when we’re grieving, and when we’re helping others go through the grieving process. We’ve listed these websites to make it easier for you to find local information and support.

 

Australian Centre for Grief and Bereavement

http://www.grief.org.au

The Australian Centre for Grief and Bereavement is an independent, not for profit organisation based in Victoria. You can visit the website for information about grief and to find out about their Bereavement Counselling and Support Service in central and regional Victoria, phone service and newsletter.

Australian Child and Adolescent Trauma Loss and Grief Network

http://www.earlytraumagrief.anu.edu.au

The Australian Child and Adolescent, Trauma, Loss and Grief Network is based in Canberra. The Network provides information, advice and links to organisations for parents, members of the community and professionals concerned about children and young people who are experiencing the impact of trauma, loss and grief.

Bereavement Care Centre

http://www.bereavementcare.com.au/

The Bereavement Care Centre is based in New South Wales and provides counselling, advice and resources for the terminally ill and their families, and for those recently bereaved. The Centre has services for adults and children with a website designed for kids.

GriefLink

http://grieflink.org.au

GriefLink is based on South Australia and provides information on death-related grief for the community and professionals. The site focuses on coping with grief, helping the bereaved and finding support.

Lifeline

http://www.lifeline.org.au

Lifeline is a national support service for people experiencing a personal or community crisis. Lifeline is best known for its national phone line and it also has online resources including a support service finder and crisis support chat.

Related articles on The Last Post

We’ve also prepared articles that may help you understand the grieving process in our “Grieving” series.

 

This post provides an overview of our articles to make it easy for you to find what you need:

 

 

Posted in All resources, Grieving | Add Your Comment »

My experience with The Last Post – Tribute for Tom O’Donnell

August 8th, 2012

Dad died a bit over two years ago and we had a beautiful funeral at our family parish, St Michael’s in Ashburton.

At that stage The Last Post was not yet operational.

I remember we put Death and Funeral notices in The Age and The Herald Sun in Melbourne, costing over $800.

Many tributes were placed by other relatives, friends and colleagues. As they all placed and paid for their notices, I am not aware of the total cost – but it would have been well over $2,000 for all of our tributes.

We didn’t think to cut them out and keep them, so they are forgotten history. Now I have no recollection of who was kind enough to go to the trouble of placing a tribute for Dad.

Knowing what The Last Post can do, we placed some retrospective photos on this site, as well as “Tom’s Story” that we had printed in his Mass Booklet.

It’s a shame that we don’t have everyone’s tributes from the time, but our family is so glad to have this lasting Tribute.

 

For more articles on The Last Post, you might like to visit:

This post provides an overview of our articles to make it easy for you to find what you need:

 

 

Posted in All resources, The Last Post - features, updates and testimonials | Add Your Comment »

From the old to the new – publishing notices and tributes online

August 1st, 2012

 

 

The internet is rapidly replacing newspapers. For generations newspapers were a major source of information and a part of people’s everyday routine. They were also the first place that people would think to publish death and funeral notices, however this is changing too.

We publish notices and tribute sites to let people know that someone we love has died, express our love and loss, and invite people to join the funeral. We want this information to be freely available so people are aware and can support each other. The internet is proving to be the best place to achieve this.

 

 

Limitations of newspapers – timing, deadlines and reach

Newspaper notices appear for one day, in one location

Newspaper notices are normally only for one day, in one location. If you don’t buy a paper, or miss it on that day for any reason, you miss all the death and funeral information.

 

Newspaper notices can only be published when the funeral company has finalised all arrangements

Newspaper notices can only be published when the funeral company has finalised all arrangements, which may take time.

Normally it takes up to a day after the death for the funeral planner and the family to actually meet and arrange the funeral. The funeral planner then needs to organise clergy/celebrants, venues, cemeteries, and other personnel and services, which requires more time until everything is booked and confirmed.

The sooner you can publish a death notice and advise people that a funeral is being organised the better. This will give people more time to make arrangements to attend the funeral, which might include babysitters and travel.

 

Newspapers have an evening deadline for publication

Newspaper notices need to be provided by an evening deadline for next-day publication, usually about 7pm. If they are not in by the evening publication deadline, there’s a delay for another day. So, for a number of legitimate reasons, public death and funeral information is delayed, sometimes even appearing only the day before or the day of the funeral.

 

Benefits of the internet – unlimited, immediate, interactive and worldwide communication

The internet is unlimited and immediate communication

The Internet provides unlimited, immediate communication at any time, anywhere in the world. You can post the funeral details as soon as you are ready and include helpful information such as links to maps and special requests regarding details of the funeral. The notice is also easy for people to share, which can be comforting for the family as it can help to reduce the anxiety that you may have forgotten someone.

 

Communication is worldwide

The internet allows people who are living overseas or interstate to know what is happening, send their condolences and celebrate the life of your loved one with you online.

 

Communication can be interactive

Most importantly, this communication can be updated and interactive. If it takes time to arrange the funeral, you can direct people to the online funeral notice for updates. Delays can occur for many reasons including the Coroner, travel arrangements and an inability to confirm services of personnel and venues.

This simple feature can be very helpful to grieving families. Instead of people constantly ringing to find out what is happening, all they need to do is go online to receive updates and confirmation of the final arrangements. This can give the family some much needed time and space to grieve.

 

The Tribute site

The interactive nature of the internet means that people can leave messages of support and share memories of your loved one. If people are away or find out about the funeral after it has occurred, they can still grieve and experience the death through the tribute site and share their thoughts and feelings.

You may not be ready to read and acknowledge all of the messages on the tribute site straight away. This is understandable. People grieve in different ways and over different lengths of time. The site can be there as support for everyone who is ready to read and use it and you can then return to the site whenever you’re ready to read people’s thoughts and reflections.

Here’s some advice, if you choose both

For those who choose to use both the internet and newspapers, we suggest publishing the notices online for free as well as placing a short and simple Death Notice in the newspaper(s) of your choice.

A recommended short and simple newspaper Death Notice template could be:

“John Citizen, of Glenelg, husband of Mary and father of Gerry, Anne and Steve died on 1/1/2013. For funeral details and tributes visit: www.thelastpost.com.au.”

This will help to reduce your costs as well as reach everyone.

Related articles on The Last Post

Here are some related articles that you might like to read:

 

This post provides an overview of our articles to make it easy for you to find what you need:

 

Posted in All resources, How to organise a funeral, The Last Post - features, updates and testimonials | Add Your Comment »

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